A Modern Christmas Carol, Spirit Number 1

'Twas the night before Christmas and Texas Governor Rick Perry had just settled down in the Presidential Suite of the Peoria Hilton for the long winters' night.   He was tired of drinking tea and he wanted some rest.   Visions of electoral votes danced in his head.    Soon he was off in slumber, dreaming of the White House that would soon be his.   Suddenly he was awakened by the clanking of chains.   Startled, he sat up in his California King bed, his night cap with the Lone Star symbol falling slightly askew as he was roused from sleep.   A ghostlike old man was standing in front of Governor Perry's bed.   "Governor Rick Perry" intoned a deep, sepulchral voice, "you are going to be visited by three spirits before this night is done."   All this seemed vaguely familiar to Governor Perry, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.    "What do you mean visited by spirits," said Governor Perry, "I am not a superstitious man."   He tried to think for a minute through his half-wakened haze.   "Is this some kind of Democrat dirty trick?"   "It's no Democrat trick," chanted the spirit, " I am the ghost of Charles Darwin and I have many things to show you."   "You are the Charles Darwin who invented Evolution?" asked Governor Perry.   The Darwin spirit nodded gravely, and with that, Governor Perry and the Darwin spirit were immediately  transported to another time and place."   Governor Perry moved the tassel on his night cap out of his eyes and saw that he and the spirit were in an ancient valley with various animals grazing and gathering in the distance.   Suddenly Governor Perry heard a ferocious roar, louder and more frightening than anything he had ever heard before.   The spirit held out his arm and pointed in the distance to what appeared to Governor Perry to be a large dinosaur, trampling the earth and scattering everything before him in his path.   "Now do you accept the fact of Evolution?" asked the Darwin spirit.   "I have shown you proof that dinosaurs once dominated the earth, long before man evolved."   "Okay, Okay," said Governor Perry, "I guess your theory of Evolution may have some validity, but what about intelligent design?"   "Do you accept that intelligent design might be a valid alternative theory, as we teach it in our schoolrooms in the State of Texas?"   The Darwin spirit took a long, appraising look at Governor Perry.   "Hmm, intelligent design," mused the spirit.   "Not really sure I do, Governor, based on available evidence."   Governor Rick Perry had a ready response.   "Mr. Darwin, let's transport back to my own time and I'll show you the evidence that will prove that intelligent design is an equally valid theory."   With that they were instantly transported to Florida for the second Republican Presidential Debate.   The Darwin spirit listened patiently to the whole of the debate.    "Now Mr. Darwin, said Governor Perry breathlessly, you simply have to agree with the theory of intelligent design after watching the best and the brightest that American society can produce!"   "Such insight and brilliance surely can't be the result of random chance."   " I have to admit, Governor Perry, sighed the Darwin spirit, there doesn't appear to have been much evolution since the last time I materialized, during the Ronald Reagan years."   "Many of these ideas were out of date even in my time of 19th Century England."   "Trickle down economics, what a crock," said the spirit.   "And I don't even want to get started on Michele Bachmann."  "Not sure she is proof of either evolution or intelligent design."   "Governor Perry," I am going to have to admit defeat here.   I am going to have to pass you along to Spirit Number 2, who will appear to you shortly."   With that, Governor Perry heard a faint clanking of chains and the Darwin spirit disapparated.